i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
