u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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