I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
