farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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