So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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