I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
