in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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