I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize