I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
