u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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