How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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