Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
