Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
