Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Barsexuality is the new black.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize