I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
