Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What drink are we having for lunch?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
