How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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