Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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