Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
