great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
