I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've blown a few things in my day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
