who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
