you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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