my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize