I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
