Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize