the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
