He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
