I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
