i think my tv is drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
