Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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