We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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