New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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