She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
