Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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