I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
