My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
