I could have mohawked her pubes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
