I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
