If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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