i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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