never play flip cup with pint glasses
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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