Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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