You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As shirtless as possible
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
