is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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