I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
