I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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