Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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