My nipple is on Facebook.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize