her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
