I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
