did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
