I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
