Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
