somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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