Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
