Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
