If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
