i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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