I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
