I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
