a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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