Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
