Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
