first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
