I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
