before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
