that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
