I haven't been this sober since birth.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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