You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm always down for nudity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize