Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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