Where did you get a picture of my penis
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
