see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
