i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
