I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
