It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
