I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
