I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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