Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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