Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
