She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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