dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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