u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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