I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
