Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's just like the Real World with babies
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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