Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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