i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
