that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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