Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
