My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
