so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
