Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
