I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
