I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
