Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
