super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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