DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
