i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
