in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have fence marks all over my body
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
